Friends

"I am a rock.
I am an island."


Friends are easy for me to take for granted. It is easy for me to lose myself in tasks and in the present moment. This fact is proven by my lack of phone calls, and my general "island" mentality. I don't mean the cool and relaxed "island mentality;" I mean the stalwart and isolated "island" mentality.

It is true that being married has helped me on my voyage to the continent. But I still forget to stay connected with my friends.

Over the last two days, my friends have been speaking words of peace to me. They tell me about their lives and God. And I remember that I am not alone, and that maybe I am not crazy.

I am thinking of this morning's conversation over pancakes. My two dear friends and I have bonded over the course of three years. What brings us together is our neurotic sense of control. We are a high-functioning trio; we get lots of work accomplished, and each of us struggles with our island lives. It is easy for us to forget that God is in control.

My friend reminded me that anxiety can be seen as spiritual warfare. I do not think of my anxiousness in these terms. But maybe it is true. God does not want us to be anxious about anything. What can worrying add to our lives? This heightened sense of responsibility that morphs in to control issues is not of God.

What does God want from me? How does my anxiety prevent me from seeing want God wants for me? In what ways does my perception distort God's truth?

I remember my senior Bible teacher telling us this: "What does the Lord require of thee? To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with thy God." Maybe I have been too scared to see what God has in store for me. Maybe I am supposed to be a stronger leader than I realize, having strength that comes from peace and love instead of control and performance.