Home-Maker

Recently, a friend said that Sam and I are home-makers.

Until now, I would've cringed at the term. For much of my life I have seen myself as a "working girl." I guess my picture of myself develops more clearly each year.

When I was quite young, maybe 5 or 6, I pictured myself as a grown woman with blond hair. I have dark brown hair, and never has there been the promise of growing in to a blond woman. But to a young child logic is not a consideration. I knew that I would grow in to my blond locks eventually.

When I was a bit older, my late teens and twenties, I pictured myself as a career driven, day-planner-wielding, frenzied by commitments yet productive and successful woman. This is the vision I have clung to for some time.

The busyness of the city lured me away from Tennessee and it is here in this over-stimulating, over-busy environment that I have been able to cultivate peace in myself and home. I am deciding not to participate in the frenzy (well as little as possible); I have mostly released the idea that the overbooked woman is who I want to be. It has been a process of 4 or 5 years though. It has taken me a long time to let go of the frenzy or even to realize I was holding on the the white-noise of over-activity. I think that this conscious decision not to participate in the frenzy has made me value home and home-making.

Now I find myself wanting to cook, clean and organize. I see our home as a living, functioning piece of art. The smells, the lights, the colors, the furniture, the stuff of life in an artful way. Or at least we try. I still don't have a long-term picture about what it means to be a home-maker, but I am confident this will develop over the coming years.

And all of this makes room for what? Well, my hope is that it makes room for God, Sam, friends, contemplating the simple and thinking new thoughts.

Remebering

Tomorrow is for writing about remembering.

For me, growing comes as I remember and plan.

This year I am turning 30.
It's closer than it seems, 7 maybe 8 weeks away.

There is much to be happy about, joyful about.
home
marriage
community

There is much to grow.
health
sense of God
theory of education and work

Where have we been? What comes next?
Remember what you have learned and know...

Christmas

This year Christmas was mostly about Advent. We celebrate Advent at school, remembering the stories of Jesus' family tree. It is a time that is full of laughter fenced by the knowledge that God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Our God is one God. Our God is faithful.

This year has been a year of waiting. And for me it has been important to learn that striving against the waiting does not make the waiting speed by. We bought a house that has evolved in to a home.

Our good friend from prayer group has encouraged us to bless the house since the day we bought it. I remember that we did walk through the house praying that God would bless the space and our work in it. At the time of those prayers the urine smell was thick and pungent and the cock roaches slithered everywhere. That was the beginning of the blessing. The Lord has allowed us to bless the walls with laughter, stories, prayers, quiet reflection and of course some good-old-fashioned t.v. watching.

Now as we walk around our neighborhood, I am humbled by God's faithful goodness. I remember that sometime after we bid on this home, I began to get angry. The banking system was not working the way I needed it to giving me more time to second guess our decision. The vivid olfactive memory made me shudder and the thought of cockroaches made me want to rent our apartment forever. My doubt and apprehension turned to anger and I wondered why we had been cursed with this house. What made us think this was the right investment?

God is faithful and turned what looked like a curse in to a blessing. Sam and I and so many friends brought forth a home out of the putrid walls of neglect. Clearly this was not done in our own strength and there were many breaking points. Broken beyond what I knew I could handle. God, through community and divine presence, restores, rebuilds and out of the putrid walls of neglect is turning my soul in to a home.

Christmas Eve Brunch and Games

Christmas Eve this year we got together with some very dear friends. I would say that our community has grown over the shared experience of cooking dinners from various countries. Our friends were kind enough to let Sam and I join their Amazing Race cohort. We enjoyed watching each episode cheering on some players and snarkily reviewing others. We challenged our selves to make food from the country the contestants visited each week. We had food from Estonia, Vietnam and other places. Some weeks we got take out as most of us are teachers and some times progress reports take too much time. But, we figured surely you can buy pizza in Dubai. It wasn't just the tv and the food that brought us together; we discussed theology and its implications, shared our varying opinions and enjoyed and clarified our differences.

On Christmas Eve we reunited for laughter, stories and games. My parents were here as well and watching the pockets of my life come together mixing and blending together felt whole. It's easy to fragment my life and think that this thing I am doing is new.

This thing that I am doing, moving away from home, developing community, creating a home with my partner, figuring out what I believe about God and teaching at a school I believe in is not new. This is the story of my parents. And to see this as a beautiful recurrence is a blessing.

Thanksgiving Breakfast