1.27.2011
1.23.2011
Friends
From the outside looking in...
I think this is one of the self-involved things I love about friends. They give you a moment, a script, with which to see/narrate your life from the outside looking in.
Sam asked me the other day what I talk about with my friends. I couldn't really answer. I had been out on a walk for 2+ hours with my good friend, and I couldn't really recall what we had discussed.
It hit me today. Friends get excited about your life and remind you to be excited about possibilities. They don't worry about the same things Sam and I think of.
I think this is one of the self-involved things I love about friends. They give you a moment, a script, with which to see/narrate your life from the outside looking in.
Sam asked me the other day what I talk about with my friends. I couldn't really answer. I had been out on a walk for 2+ hours with my good friend, and I couldn't really recall what we had discussed.
It hit me today. Friends get excited about your life and remind you to be excited about possibilities. They don't worry about the same things Sam and I think of.
One of those weeks
one of those weeks where your body feels the stress a bit later than your mind.
So in church my muscles are twitching and tensing; during the hymns and readings I practice deep breathing and intentional relaxation.
In church I am reminded to be stouthearted and that someone knows my tomorrows.
How does one change their mind?
How do you go from anxious to confident?
How do you remember that your ideas matter when you are thinking of starting a new project?
So in church my muscles are twitching and tensing; during the hymns and readings I practice deep breathing and intentional relaxation.
In church I am reminded to be stouthearted and that someone knows my tomorrows.
How does one change their mind?
How do you go from anxious to confident?
How do you remember that your ideas matter when you are thinking of starting a new project?
1.01.2011
Vision
Health- Lose weight, the ground work has been done and now it is time for results.
God- "Into your hands I commit my Spirit, redeem me, O Lord, the God of Truth."
Family and friends- Communicate at least sporadically with family and friends who live farther than "around the corner".
Future- One step at a time remembering that God is leading the right way.
New Year's Ramblings
Reading former blog posts is like meeting an old friend. I forget that I set out these dreams and visions for the next year, and yet when I reread them I can see how life has matched these dreams in some way. Not in an eerily psychic way, but in a your-visions-are-so-broad-anything-could-come-true kind of way.
From last year, I wanted to think more about my theory of education. And here is what I have learned, my place in education is not what I was planning. I have a different role to play as an educator. I have to do some work now to figure out what that role is, and I am very nervous about this. I am anxious about the next year.
I have also been reminded of the unjust ways that the public school system works and am thinking about how to work in that field to level the playing field.
From last year, I wanted to work on health. We got the Wii after a convincing evening with friends. Weighing in has been a good process for me to be involved in. At first I hated it and it could drive me up the wall, but after working for 9 months or so, I can see trends and I have more realistic thoughts about my body.
I still need to change. I need to lose weight. I think that is a short-term change. I need a boot-camp. And then when I "come back" I could resume most of the habits I have now just with less fat on me.
But, Sam and I have continued to develop healthful habits. We cook our own meals most night and we take our own lunches most days. Working out comes and goes, but there is a general bent towards working out.
From last year, I wanted to develop my sense of God. What I meant was that I wanted to be more and more aware of God in my life. Not necessarily refining what I believe, just remembering that God is there and active would be a good step. After visiting home for Christmas, I was able to see more clearly the faith that I grew up with. I could see with an observer's clarity the thick, deep roots that my growing up faith gave me. It has given me a firm foundation, without which I would be lost and adrift. But I have changed, and I do not believe exactly what I was taught; I have come to a place of deeper peace about that.
Also as I contemplate transition, I remember God. I am forced to remember that this place is not my home; and that as my grandmother prayed: "Lead them in the right way. They will not go the wrong way." Remembering that each day will be quite important. There is much that I am unsure of in the coming months. God knows, and God is faithful.
I am reminded of the family verse for this year. Jose and Sarah chose from Psalm 31, "Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of Truth."
I am thankful for:
Sam - I am growing in my appreciation of my partner daily. He is patient with me when I don't have the energy to talk. It has been our whole marriage that I have felt drained from spending energy elsewhere, and he has loved me in spite of that. He gives me logical perspective and we laugh together.
Close friends- I love the ones I am with!
House- It still hasn't fallen over! And it feels more and more like a home. We had a splendid garden this year and we are living in the space making it feel like our home.
From last year, I wanted to think more about my theory of education. And here is what I have learned, my place in education is not what I was planning. I have a different role to play as an educator. I have to do some work now to figure out what that role is, and I am very nervous about this. I am anxious about the next year.
I have also been reminded of the unjust ways that the public school system works and am thinking about how to work in that field to level the playing field.
From last year, I wanted to work on health. We got the Wii after a convincing evening with friends. Weighing in has been a good process for me to be involved in. At first I hated it and it could drive me up the wall, but after working for 9 months or so, I can see trends and I have more realistic thoughts about my body.
I still need to change. I need to lose weight. I think that is a short-term change. I need a boot-camp. And then when I "come back" I could resume most of the habits I have now just with less fat on me.
But, Sam and I have continued to develop healthful habits. We cook our own meals most night and we take our own lunches most days. Working out comes and goes, but there is a general bent towards working out.
From last year, I wanted to develop my sense of God. What I meant was that I wanted to be more and more aware of God in my life. Not necessarily refining what I believe, just remembering that God is there and active would be a good step. After visiting home for Christmas, I was able to see more clearly the faith that I grew up with. I could see with an observer's clarity the thick, deep roots that my growing up faith gave me. It has given me a firm foundation, without which I would be lost and adrift. But I have changed, and I do not believe exactly what I was taught; I have come to a place of deeper peace about that.
Also as I contemplate transition, I remember God. I am forced to remember that this place is not my home; and that as my grandmother prayed: "Lead them in the right way. They will not go the wrong way." Remembering that each day will be quite important. There is much that I am unsure of in the coming months. God knows, and God is faithful.
I am reminded of the family verse for this year. Jose and Sarah chose from Psalm 31, "Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of Truth."
I am thankful for:
Sam - I am growing in my appreciation of my partner daily. He is patient with me when I don't have the energy to talk. It has been our whole marriage that I have felt drained from spending energy elsewhere, and he has loved me in spite of that. He gives me logical perspective and we laugh together.
Close friends- I love the ones I am with!
House- It still hasn't fallen over! And it feels more and more like a home. We had a splendid garden this year and we are living in the space making it feel like our home.
Tethered
Waiting for the laundry to dry kept me tethered to the moments. Those last few moments spent with family; the moments that are easy for me to miss while I wonder if we should leave now to miss traffic.
In these moments the entire trip resolved and I was free just to watch and be. These were borrowed moments lent by the dryer, and so just being together was better than being apart. Guitar chords washed over conversations like waves over the sand making words less important and taking them out to sea.
Toy trains ran careless loops around the tracks and drove through tunnels that hid plastic monsters. Shrieks of the engineer and giggles from the monster mixed with the guitar chords and tumbled to the watery horizon.
The camera clicks and flashes trying to scoop up each wave. There is a sad beauty knowing that I can only capture a few and must let the others ride out to the sky. Around the sunset horizon the images between the flash's harsh light take on golden glow and a new life. They sing back to us on the shore as we drive home through the snow.
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